I need Help!!!!

[confusedscout]

The Scoutmaster in my troop is a total ***. His idea of a boy-run troop is him telling my SPL what to do. He controls EVERYTHING. I want to go Pro-Scout but he is making me just want to leave scouting all together and not get my eagle. I am also thinking about joining a new troop. I have seen Boy-Run in the OA. What do I do???

The scoutmaster is also my Dad.

[aflmom]

Hi confusedscout,
It sounds like you're in a tough situation! Do you mind me asking you some questions? How old are you? What rank are you currently? How long has your dad been the scoutmaster? What is a Pro-Scout?

Here are some random thoughts but not necessarily solutions.

One, I think part of obtaining your Eagle is learning to overcome adversity. It's about not giving up in spite of the circumstances you may find yourself in. You will always encounter difficult people whether it's at school, in your troop, at work, or even in your own family.

Because the SM is your dad and your dad is the SM, it makes it even more difficult. Are you able to talk to him? Is he more open when you approach him as your dad vs. as your SM? Does he feel playing both roles is causing stress in your relationship? Perhaps it would be better to move to another troop, but it's something you need to speak with him about and get his input.

Speaking from a parent's perspective, it's hard to transition sometimes as your children get older. When they're younger, we get use to telling them what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. As our kids get older, we have to change our approach. It's no longer works taking the approach "Do something because I said so," but involves soliciting input from our teens and asking them how they feel about something or how they would handle it, etc.

If you're able to talk to your dad and approach him without anger or frustration, he might be more open to your thoughts and ideas. I hope everything works out.....

aflmom

[confusedscout]

I am 16.

I am life and all I have left is my project.

My Dad has been scoutmaster since June.

A Pro-Scout is a Profesional Scout aka Scout executive.

If I talk to him I would expoled with anger becase of everything else he has done that XX me off.

He is not my birth father, but a Step-Dad that has adopted me.

An advisor for OA said this is what he learned at Woodbadge, he was taught to lead, but not taught to lead with only advice.

[aflmom]

Part of becoming an Eagle is learning leadership skills and since you're already Life and have completed most of the requirements outside of your project, you're well on your way!

Being a leader, a good leader, involves effective communication and conflict resolution. Regardless of where you're at or what you're doing there will always be communication problems and conflict.

You're mature enough to recognize that if you talked to your dad you would explode. If you're angry, you can't communicate effectively.

When I've been frustrated or angry, sometimes it has helped to write everything out. I would never send the letter and destroyed it afterwards, but it was a way of releasing my frustration BEFORE I spoke with the person. Anger has a tendancy to build unless it's diffused. In spite of the difficulty, it's always better to try to resolve conflicts--when you can do it in a calm manner.

[EagleBoy62204]

it would be foolish to quit now, since you are so close. I understand where you are coming from, my dad wasnt scoutmaster, but a big role as assistant scoutmaster when i was a boy scout, and he was also my cubmaster and pack leader in cub scouts. There were times and there are still times where i never agreed with him in and outside the troop, but if you are the SPL and he is the scoutmaster, he has to take it up like a respectfull adult and listen to your ideas.

Try to see if you can get any other adults to side with you, along with the older boys of your troop and attend a committee meeting and bring the issues up. Remember getting angry and bringing personal issues up will not help your case nor make you look mature or in some eyes, make you worthy to carry the eagle rank.

I have a hot fuse, and loose my temper quickly, whenever i disagreed with the scoutmaster, (who is a close personal friend of the family now) i always had someone come with me to help argue the issue. That person usually backed me up and stepped in before i lost it.

just make sure if you are to debate the topics that you have every possible angle of debate covered and rock solid evidence and a good arguement to back it up with. Nothing looks worse, when someone comes in demanding things and can not keep up with the arguement/debate.

[Mrw]

Have a talk with your Dad, outside of scouts, and let him know how you feel and that you are frustrated. Let him know that you value his advice, but that you want the SPL to be more of the troop leader.

It may help to write down what you want to say, slepp on it and re-read what you wrote. This way you are better able to not be angry and nasty about it. Practice what you want to say so you can do it calmly.

Some people find that if they go to the coffee shop to talk it helps diffuse the situation since no one wants to yell and make a scene in public. Try that if you think you need to.

We went through the same thing with our current Scoutmaster when he was new. Even as an Eagle scout, he didn't seem to get the boy led thing at all. My sons and the couple other older boys would come to be to vent and I would go the the SM or the Committee and let them know the guys were frustrated and offer some suggestions for change. You might try talking to some of the committee members since they are adults and the conversation between them and your Dad would be less personal.

Whatever you do, stick with the program. Dad will learn with time to start to step back and you don't want to do something drastic as you WILL regret it later.

[confusedscout]

After a night of thought and rest. I decided to just stick with the troop untill summer (most of my freinds in my patrol will be leaving then because of age and I will be working at a local summer camp) and in September I'll start in a new troop after I have got eagle so I can earn plams.

But untill then I will try and put to gether a presentation on what he is doing wrong. I will make sure I have an advisor from O.A. who is also a parent in the troop help me with this. He thinks the fault of all this is the new Woodbadge Course. There he was taught to lead, not taught to help lead by only advising.

I am sorry if I offened any body with the foul lanuage. I was just mad.

If you have any other advice please post.

[FrankJ]

[quote="confusedscout"]
But untill then I will try and put to gether a presentation on what he is doing wrong. I will make sure I have an advisor from O.A. who is also a parent in the troop help me with this. He thinks the fault of all this is the new Woodbadge Course. There he was taught to lead, not taught to help lead by only advising.


If that is really what he brought back from Woodbadge, he missed something. Woodbadge is more about developing a vision and appying it. The course is structured as a troop using the patrol method with the SPL doing most of the leading. ( I don't think Ii gave away any woodbadge secrets).

I am glad to see you have a plan to go forward and get your Eagle. Good luck.

[Mrw]

Sounds like a good plan.

I would not be surprised if you are ready to stick with your current troop by September. Your Dad will learn to step back a bit and you will learn to step up a bit without getting angry and you will be amazed that things worked out okay.

[wagionvigil]

I have been involved in many WB Courses and believe me that is not what anyone shoyld get from a WB COurse

[Nuts4Scouts]

His idea of a boy-run troop is him telling my SPL what to do. He controls EVERYTHING.

But untill then I will try and put to gether a presentation on what he is doing wrong.

What POR do you hold in the Troop? Why, if you will not talk to your father at home about this, do you feel it is up to you to put together a presentation of some kind? Where is your SPL in all of this? Why are you involving an OA advisor in this? This problem seems to be in your Troop, not in your OA Lodge.

You stated that you want your Troop to be boy run, but you are not utilizing your boy leaders. You should first talk to your PL to get his feelings on this. Your PL should then talk to your SPL & ASPL. It should then be your SPL who discusses this with your SM.

You seem to have a lot of anger at your father that is spilling over into scouts. IMHO, you should put some energy into repairing your relationship with him. Even though you can't see it, he does care about you. He cares enough that he has adopted you (most step parents do not) and has given his time & effort to help give you the best scouting experience you can have (many parents do not bother). If you will not talk to him, then please, talk to your mother about your feelings & your anger.

Good Luck with everything!

[Eamonn]

I have a 17 year old son.
At times he thinks I'm the biggest pain that he has ever met.
At times he is right.
He has joined the Sea Scout Ship that I serve as Skipper.
He is heavily involved with the OA. I try not to organize events that will clash with Lodge events, but he has a lot more going on than is in the calendar.
All of our activities and events are planned by the Quarterdeck (Kind of like a PLC) He gets upset when he has to choose between the OA and the Ship.
My feelings are that I'm there to serve the ship not just my kid.
I am the nicest, most even tempered, easy going person in the world with everyone else's kid. But he knows the Eamonn that he has to live with. He has to deal with me when I'm tired and have had a bad day.
He has attended all the OA NYLS courses and he has a very good idea how things should be run.
I'm fairly good on this stuff.
So while at meetings I can smile sweetly and use my Sunday manners, when I get home he is the one who hears the rant.
Just about - No change that - Everything that we do in Scouting comes back to the Scout Oath and Law.
So grab your Boy Scout Handbook.
Go to page 45 and read on till page 54.
As you read this think of your Dad, think how you might use the Scout Oath and Law to improve your relationship with him.
Think what you can do to make things better.
We can't change what has gone on, but we can work toward making things better.
Every person who has ever gone to Wood Badge has come back with a different take on what it means. This doesn't mean that they are wrong. We all have different values. I might not see being physically fit as being as important as being loyal. Some people see reverent as the most important Scout Law.
If we were to send a Zebra to Wood Badge he would still come back with stripes.

[riverwalk]

even though they do know more than Scout sons, haha. So Dad, I mean the SM is perhaps confused about his role, or it is perceived that he's "running", when he might be helping the SPL. It is a possibility anyway. If Dad went to WB, then he was obviously Trained before going, so Training should have helped. Or, the Committee isn't aware or has failed to assist him in what is expected of him?

Besides what the SM may not be getting right, doesn't warrant bad language. Any Scout conducting himself in this manner, isn't ready for advancement and responsibility anyway. Another Troop experience now may be in order, unless the difficulties extend beyond this environment....and we don't need to know, but someone needs to assess that.

[deweylure]

confused scout

I am a ASM and my son says he wants to quit because of other scouts driving him nuts. My suggestion is you cna not always quit because
life is not goihg your way. An example is wait untill myou mjoin the workforce just because an emkplyer and you dont see eye to eye you just cant quit or keep mmoving on.
It sounds like a communication issue is the problem here,how about talking it out.

Sometimes my son thinks I am a pain,it seems I felt the same way when I was younger.

An older person once told me your parents are the smartest people in the world from ages 1-12 at 13-25 they do not kn ow anythying and at 25 there the smartest. IU guess its part of growing up.