No Eagle COH, please

[Troop173Scoutmaster]

A scout has just completed his Eagle project and is scheduled for his BOR. He approached me about NOT having any type of COH, though.

He fully understands the "encouragement" factor to younger scouts, knows the importance of the accomplishment, and appreciates all the people who have helped him to this point, but because of [serious] family issues, he doesn't desire the COH ceremony.

He and his father attend the same church I do (SM), and that is where his project was done. Should I ask him if he'd be comfortable having the award presented in front of his "church family" or perhaps at a simple reception there, or should I simply let the public recognition of this event go by silently...

[Mrw]

I would ask him if he wanted the award presented or mentioned in church or not. I would also suggest to him that if things are better at home at some point in the future, he can still have a ceremony if he wants it then. Obviously I don't know what his personal issues are, but this really is all about what he wants. As long as he knows his options, then follow his wishes.

If he wants no public recognition at all, you should respect that.

[riverwalk]

While I (perhaps all) think it's unusual and you should have a ceremony....perhaps there are awkward family issues? I would find a way to gain more insight, and encourage some form of program be conducted. But I also wouldn't want to put him into an emotionally traumatic event. While the ceremony is as much for others as for the Scout, we might have to be flexible.

[scoutaholic]

While this request may be irregular, You may have to relinquish your wishes and let the boy have his way on this one. There may be some deep-seeded emotional reason this boy doesn't want to be recognized.

I did the same thing to my SM 20 years ago. I completed work on my project (and had already finished my last needed MB) when I was 16. The achievement was all I really wanted, and the Recognition was NOT something I wanted. I didn't do the paperwork until the week before my 18th birthday. The BOR was on my birthday, and I refused to Plan, Attend, or Perform At my COH. (As a member of the OA Dance and Ceremonies teams, I had done hundreds of ECOH programs for other Eagles.) In the end, the SM had no choice but to give up the fight and do the best thing he could come up with on his own. That ended up being a 1-2 minute surprise presentation in church. I wouldn't have been there for that either, if I had known what he was planning. If the card had come from national to me (like it does now), I would have gone to the scout shop and bought my award, and the SM would not have had anything to present.

The thing is, that I HATE to be the center of attention. Performing on stage, I don't have to be me on stage, and nobody knows who I am. At a regular COH, the focus is not on me except for maybe 1 minute.
I WILL NOT attend a party held in my honor (My family and coworkers have had several birthday parties where I didn't attend). I WILL NOT perform in front of an audience of people that I know (I was on the program for the talent show at Grandma and Grandpa's 50th anniversary party. I was the only grandchild who didn't attend the party). In my church it is traditional for a person returning from a 2 year church mission to report his mission experiences in a church meeting. I attended church with a different congregation for several months after I came home.

[9009scoutmaster]

As and Eagle Scout and SM, you should follow his wishes. Possible suggestion would be a simple presentation during a troop activitity such as a campout. I would ask him about presentation with his church family, but in the long run how his Eagle is presented is his decision.

[evmori]

If he doesn't want a ceremony, don't force him into one. It is his award, not the Troops or the church. He earned it and deserves the right to decide how, if any, he will be honored.

[wagionvigil]

This happened twice to me over the years. I just went along with their wishes.

[jhawk]

My son also did not want to have a formal COH because he did not want to be the center of attention. He simply wanted to have it awarded at a regular COH. We did have a special cake, but he was very pleased with the way it was. Even now, 4 1/2 years later, he is happy that he chose that. He is very proud of his rank and his palms and doesn't mind being recognized for his acheivements as long as he isn't "standing in front of everybody for so long" as he put it. He caught a LOT of flack from most adults in the troop for his decision. They put a lot of pressure on him, saying it was really for his parents and troop. Baloney. It was fine with us if that was what he wanted because I am much the same way and I understand his feelings. It is HIS award and only his award. Yes, the troop was supportive, and as his family we were supportive as he journeyed to Eagle, but it was his journey ultimately and his decision as to how to accept the award.

[MDEagle]

He caught a LOT of flack from most adults in the troop for his decision. They put a lot of pressure on him, saying it was really for his parents and troop.

Yeah, it's all about the boy, isn't it? I'm glad this Scout did it his way, even if it didn't jive with what the adults wanted.

Similar thing happened to me when I retired from a former career. I wanted nothing but a round of informal handshakes, everyone else wanted a big ceremony with all the bells and whistles.

Eventually my way won out, but only because I made it crystal clear, with absolutely no equivocation, that I wasn't into doing it their way. You cannot believe how blunt I had to be. Finally, I think they realized it wouldn't be much of a ceremony if I didn't attend.

[Mrw]

My older son had his EBOR on the same day as another boy in the troop. The boys assumed they would also have a joint COH, which was fine with everyone but the other guy's mom. The ceremony was much more about what she wanted than what the boys wanted - singers they didn't need and someone to stand up an talk about how wonderful her son was. My son rolled his eyes and said, it isn't a big deal, let her have whatever she wants. We did though have to find someone to get up and say how great our kid was too, to balance things out. The guy we had talked more about what his Eagle meant to him after many years than anything else and that was great with all of us.

My younger son did his best to hold off on having his COH so he could share it with a friend, but it started to get silly and so we went ahead and had it just for him.

I definitely respect a boy who wants to earn the award, but not be publicly fawned over for doing good. Humility is a good thing.

[Chief J]

Not knowing the issues, (and not needing to know), if the Scout does not wish for a public ceremony, I beieve you should respect his rights and not have a public ceremony.

If you "have one anyway" and alienate this young man, you will most likely lose this scout as a resource in the future.

Just my 2 cents,
Chief J

[lifescoutforlife]

It should be what the scout wants not what everyone else wants.

[smtroop168]

It is the scout's choice but there should be a formal recognition of his achievement however small.

[maricopasem]

It is the scout's choice but there should be a formal recognition of his achievement however small.

Why should there be?

[OldGreyBear]

At many Eagle Courts of Honor there is usually some reference to the number of people who helped the scout along to Eagle. Whether its the parents/guardian, the scoutmaster, an asst scoutmaster, the myriad of merit badge counselors etc. No scout makes Eagle alone, there is a tremoundous supporting cast that exists for every boy who reaches this goal and a formal ceremony. no matter how small is in respect for those who contributed to the boy success.

[smtroop168]

What Oldgreybear said! Actually to me it's a Leadership issue. We awarded the scout the Eagle Medal which is based partially on his leadership. He needs to show some now in my opinion especially to the younger scouts so they can understand the significance if this achievement. I wonder what leadership position was on his Eagle Application. He also has the required Communications MB which means he can give a 5 minute speech.

As I said, it does not have to be an elaborate ceremony but his medal shouldn't show up in the mail either.

[MDEagle]

It sounds as though you're saying is unless he submits to others' ideas of how he should celebrate this milestone, then he's a poor leader.

None of us know anything about this boy, the particulars of his family life or other issues, or if/how he intends to thank those who assisted him on his journey.

We know one thing: Having considered his options, he doesn't want a Court of Honor.

It seems like a pretty simple request.

[OldGreyBear]

If the scout doesnt want a ceremony, then there is nothing to force him to have one, I was reacting to the question of why there should be any ceremony, but if the scout says no, it's no

[smtroop168]

Just my opinion. I know we don't have all the facts. We rarely do when the first post is put on any item on the forum. It seems pretty sad to me that his idea on how to celebrate a significant achievement is not to.

[Mrw]

I have a cousin who felt the best way to celebrate her wedding was not to because of long-term family issues in her immediate family. And I think she made a pretty good decision at the time.

Maybe instead of second guessing this boy's request, we should all say a prayer that things get better in his life and that of his family.