New girl on the block

[Woodbadgegirl]

Ok, most of you that have read any of my post know that my son switched troops. Well, I went with him and I'm the new girl on the block. That makes me someone new to tell all the dirt to. Well I don't want to be in the middle of things but I guess that wasn't to be avoided last night at troop meeting.

I went on a campout this weekend and one of the boy's (Scout 1) mother came up to me and asked me how her son was on the trip. I told her my feelings and was very honest. He was a little annoying, but no different than a typical 11 year old boy. He acts as if he knows everything, and has to have instructions repeated. She asked me if he bought a lot of sodas and candy from the trading post. Since there was no trading post that sold such things, my answer was no. This boys (scout 1) mother told me that another boy (scout 2) in the troop had told his mother that scout 1 was at the trading post buying sodas and candy all weekend. Mrs. scout 2 then called Scout 1's mother and told her this. Scout 1's mother shared with me that there is a little animosity between Mr. & Mrs. Scout 2, Scout 1's mother & Step father and Scout 3's mother. I really didn't need to know any of this, but I guess she felt the need to tell me.

I later was talking in the "adult" room about this weekend and how much fun it was. I mentioned that the kids were squirrelly and some were just plain goofy. Scout 3's mother said "let me guess who your biggest problem was this weekend." I told her that no one child was a problem. She said that she could not believe that, that Scout 1 is always a problem. I told her I felt he was a good kid and he has room to grow. She said that I'm the only one that feels that way and that all the kids "dislike" Scout 1 and can't stand to be with him. She was very hostile about him and this really upset me. I can't believe that one child in this troop is so hated by this adult and that he is hated by the kids in the troop. I shared with my son about Scout 1 and he was very sad that adults could feel this way about a 11 year old boy. I also told him what Scout 2 said and my son feels the need to have a talk with since he is his patrol leader. I have told him to wait and talk with the SM & CC first. My son was pretty disappointed. He also wants to talk to Scout 1 and see how things are going in scouts, if he is having a good time.

Here are my struggles now, do I really want Scout 3's mother being my son's MB councilor for any MB if she feels this way towards another scout? And should she really be the troops training chair? Could you all share with me some incite here? I'm bewildered.

[Lynda J]

I wouldn't get involved with the petty bickering between adults. But I sure would want to know why scout 2 lied about scout 1 and I would confront him about it.

[Woodbadgegirl]

I wouldn't get involved with the petty bickering between adults.

Nor do I. I want to just sit back and enjoy this scouting experience. This is a really great troop! I just couln't get over this woman's seething hatred for this child.

But I sure would want to know why scout 2 lied about scout 1 and I would confront him about it.

So does my son. He feels as Patrol leader he needs to step forward and say something, but he is so new, I don't want him to do anything without his SM there.

[cballman]

woodbadgegirl my opinion of this problem. I would talk to the boy who is hated so much and find out if there are underlying problems that might cause someone to hate him so much. what we as leaders fail to see is that a child can and will have problems with someone else. and what we as leaders keep overlooking is that this child might have a medical problem, a home problem, or has a temper problem. if you dont talk to this child and find out more about him then maybe you can help change to way the other kids treat him. I have a child in my troop that if most anybody says anything to him he will get upset and run off. now I have had a few long talks with this child and he is a very misunderstood child. that does not make him a bad child but a misunderstood one. get to know the child and dont let someone else tell you how bad a child is. if he is a problem child then yes there might be a problem. but then think about it if a mother tells you how bad another child is then there must be a problem between those families. look at each of the kids ranks and meritbadges and see who outranks who and who has the most meritbadges. it could be a simple fix or a tough fix.

keep us or me posted and I will help you all that i can.

just remember not all kids are as bad as another kids parents think!!

[Mick Scouter]

I have had my share of experiences. When I was new to a pack or a troop I just stepped back for awhile and observed. I got in the middle before and regretted it afterwards. Safety first but I like observing.

[Lynda J]

I thought about this last night. And decided that I might talk to scout mother 2 and ask her face to face why she hates scout 1 so much.
If she says she doesn't I might ask her why then is she so determine to blame everything on him and allow her son to lie about him.
I would explain that scout 1 couldn't have purchased sodas and such since there was no trading post open.

Some times a person doesn't realise how they sound when they talk about someone else and when you confront a person about their comments they suddenly look at themselves and how they are acting toward another person.

[evmori]

It really sounds like the problem is between the adults! I say take all out back & shoot 'em!

[ASM-142]

woodbadgegirl has your son observed for himself the mistreatment of the scout in question? If so, then as a patrol leader he should address this.

[wagionvigil]

Are all these adults registered leaders and Trained????????

[diamondbackAPL]

It really sounds like the problem is between the adults! I say take all out back & shoot 'em!

I really hope that's not the way you do it in your troop.

[Lynda J]

No I am sure they don't but there are times I would have loved to be able to do that with some of the adults I have dealt with.

[evmori]

Nah we really don't! We just take 'em out back & leave them there!

[diamondbackAPL]

Nah we really don't! We just take 'em out back & leave them there!

okay, that'll work.

[Woodbadgegirl]

woodbadgegirl has your son observed for himself the mistreatment of the scout in question? If so, then as a patrol leader he should address this.

No, he hasn't seen it. He worked registration all morning on Saturday until 11:30, so he didn't get to interact with his troop until evening.

I might add, that Scout 2 left with my son and I at 3:00 on Saturday and then we came back at 7 without scout 2. So he wasn't there the entire weekend.

I thought about this last night. And decided that I might talk to scout mother 2 and ask her face to face why she hates scout 1 so much.
If she says she doesn't I might ask her why then is she so determine to blame everything on him and allow her son to lie about him.
I would explain that scout 1 couldn't have purchased sodas and such since there was no trading post open.

I told the CC right away when I was confronted about this and he went outside and said something to both ladies.

Are all these adults registered leaders and Trained????????

YES! Scout 1's mother is the new Cubmaster of the pack that feeds into the troop, Scout 2's mother is the old Cub master's wife and she is still a den leader for the same pack, and Scout 3's mother is the training Chair for the troop and also has a son still in the same pack!!!

I called the CC last night and said I don't want to be involved with petty stuff like this. I have so much more to do with my time than to deal with petty adults.

I like the idea of taking them out back and shooting them! Although a little extreme, but tempting!

[wagionvigil]

So they are not registered with the Troop? So they have no say and should not be involved with anything except as a parent.

[ASM-142]

If this is just adults talking who have not witnessed this themselves and there are no scouts around, I would tell them to keep their opinions to themselves and that it does not belong in scouting

[Woodbadgegirl]

So they are not registered with the Troop? So they have no say and should not be involved with anything except as a parent.

Well scout 3's mother is registered as the Troop training chair, scout 2's mother & father are registered so they can go camping. This troop makes those that want to attend campouts, register.

If this is just adults talking who have not witnessed this themselves and there are no scouts around, I would tell them to keep their opinions to themselves and that it does not belong in scouting.

See I don't know. They know scout 1 from cub scouts and he is a brand new boy scout that has just crossed over. He might have been a bratty cub scout, but now that he is a boy scout, I wish they would give him a chance.

I had a cub that has ADHD and was just a handful when he was in my older son's den. I crossed him over into boy scouts two years ago, and then he moved. I found out from his new troop that he is just getting ready to take his Star BOR and has really grown up! I was very happy to hear this, but shocked too! He was soooo bratty!! LOL!!

[Scouting179]

Petty bickering and dishonesty have no place in a Scout unit. They severly interfere with the program. Delivering a quality program is the top goal. having said that, disputes will arise and adults should be able to settle them harmoniously.

Confront the dishonesty and let them know you won't be a part to petty bickering.

If the adults are registered, they have less validity to talk and those who are registered have less validity to talk if they don't camp and the issue relates to camping and outings.

[Woodbadgegirl]

Petty bickering and dishonesty have no place in a Scout unit.

I couldn't agree with you more!

I believe Tuesday the SM is going to talk to these mothers. My son is going to talk to Scout 2 because he is in his patrol, and I'm going to stay far far away from it all!